Tag Archives: sister

Ulam sa Handaan

13 Aug
Multigenerational family enjoying dinner together at a lit outdoor night market

A multigenerational family shares a joyful meal beneath glowing lights at an outdoor night market.

Nanaginip ule ako ngayong madaling araw. Napanaginipan ko na isang gabi ay may malaking handaan. Mahaba ang isang lamesa na yari sa kahoy na walang sapin at may dalawang mahabang upuan na yari sa kahoy din sa kabilaan ng lamesa. Maraming kumakain at naroon ang kapatid ko na si Ca Let na nakaupo na malapit na sa dulo ng lamesa. Hindi pa raw ako nakaupo dahil pinapauna ko muna ang mga bisita na makaupo at makakain. Maya-maya ay dumating si Ca Lolly, pinsan namin, na umupo halos tapat ni Ca Let. May dala siyang mga ulam na gulay at isang balot na isda na mga maliliit na tinapa na kasinglaki lamang ng mga toyo pero tinapa ito. Nakabalot ito ng malinaw na plastic sa isang itim na styrofoar. Sabi daw ng kapatid ko na si Ca Let kay Ca Lolly ay “Luma na yan.” na ibig sabihin ni Ca Let ay hindi na ito ligtas kainin dahil luma na yung pagkain. Hindi sumagot si Ca Lolly at inilapag na lang sa lamesa yung ulam na gulay at yung nakabalot na tinapa. Pakiwari ko ay ayaw na niyang ibalik sa kusina at nagugutom na rin siya. Nang makita ni Ca Let ang paglapag ng ulam sa lamesa ay nabanggit niya na lamang na “Bahala ka.”

Nung nakaupo na si Ca Lolly ay umupo na rin ako sa tabi ni Ca Lolly para kumain na katapat sa pagitan naming dalawa si Ca Let na nakabistida ng puti na bagay sa kanya, naka shaggy ang buhok na hanggang leeg niya haba sa likod at may hikaw na ginto sa magkabilang tenga niya na may dangling pa na lumalaylay at kumikinang. Medyo malusog pa si Ca Let at mababanaag sa kutis niya ang kaputian niya.

Katabi ni Ca Let ay may mag asawang Pinoy na bata sa kanya na kumakain din. Hindi sila masyadong marunong mag-Tagalog kasi lumaki sila sa ibang bansa. Habang kumakain si Ca Let ay gusto niya ng bagoong na isda na malapit sa mag-asawa yung sawsawan na nasa platito. Gustong ipaabot ni Ca Let pero mahihiya niya itong sabihin at hindi niya maisalin sa salitang English yung “Bagoong”. Sinabi ko daw kay Ca Let na “Salty fish sauce o Bagoong.” Natawa daw si Ca Let sa akin nung nasabi ko ito ay inabot sa kanya yung sawsawan na bagoong para sa inihaw na bangus na nasa plato niya.

Dahil halos maubos na ang pagkain sa lamesa at ayaw kainin ni Ca Let yung nilapag ni Ca Lolly sa lamesa. Nainis siya sa mga katabi niya na kumakain din na sinandok lahat at inubos ang ulam sa gitna ng lamesa na hindi siya tinirhan. Kaya tumayo si Ca Let at nagpasyang kumuha ng ulam sa kusina.

Sa kusina ay may mga pininsan kami nandoon. Nandoon sa kusina si Ca Bing at napansin ni Ca Bing na parang naiinis na nagsasandok ng ulam si Ca Let na mula sa banga mula sa puting plato na babasagin. Yari sa kahoy ang pinapansandok niya sa ulam sa kusina. Nang makabalik na siya sa upuan at kumakain ay konti na lang kami kumakain. Wala na doon si Ca Lolly.

Nang kumakain na muli si Ca Let ay katapat ko na siya at katabi ko naman ay 2 babae na mukhang mag-ina na Pinoy. Yung ina ay bata sa akin na mga nasa 20’s Ang edad niya at batang babae ay mga walong taong gulang seguro ang edad niya. Pareho silang mahaba ang buhok at nakabistida din na dirty white. Habang kumakain kami ni Ca Let ay lumapit daw si Ca Bing na nagmula siya sa kusina kay Ca Let. Nakangiti si Ca Bing habang nakatayo sa tabi ni Ca Let na nakaupo at kumakain pa. Ang sabi daw ni Ca Bing kay Ca Let na “Napansin ko sa kusina na mukhang galit ka habang nagsasandok ka ng pagkain.” Ang sagot sa kanya ni Ca Let ay “Sukat ba naman sinabihan ako ng katabi ko kanina na, “Ang tanda tanda mo na, nakabaston ka pa.” Tapos nakita ko na nagtawanan na lang silang pareho ni Ca Let at Ca Bing.

Habang kumakain ako ay konti na ang ulam pero maraming kainin. Kumakain daw ako na naka-kamay lamang. Bago ko isubo yung puting puting kanin ay hinuhulma ko muna ito sa aking mga daliri. Masarap kainin yung kaning puti kahit na walang ulam kasi parang malagkit ito. Habang kumakain ay gusto ko uminom ng tubig pero walang tubig sa lamesa at walang malinis na baso sa lamesa puro nagamit na. Kumakain daw ako na walang tubig akong iniinom.

Napansin ko lamesa kahit kami na lang kumakain na apat katao ay walang nagliligpit pa kahit nasa gawing dulo kami ng lamesa. Nandun pa ang mga nagamit na mga malalaking plato na babasagin at kulay puti at baso na babasagin din at malinaw na walang kulay.

Nagising ako ng 5:34 ng umaga ng August 13, 2026. Naalala ko na si Ca Let at Ca Lolly pala ay iisang buwan na kamatayan, Agosto din. Bale namatay sa buwan ng Agosto si Ca Let, August 24, Si Indo Simay, August 25, hindi ko tiyak kung anong eksaktong araw si Ca Lolly, kung hindi ako nagkakamali ay parang last week din siya ng August namatay.

Ipagdasal natin ang kanilang mga kaluluwa. Minsan ang panaginip natin ay nagsisilbing paalala sa atin na hindi natin sila nakakalimutan habang buhay.

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Podcast Episode: Baston, Pamaypay at Punda

8 Aug
Colorful painted wooden cane, floral hand fan, and striped woven pillow on wooden table

Colorful Filipino souvenirs including a painted cane, floral fan, and woven pillow displayed on a wooden table

Pip: Sleep deprivation and a restless Sunday night — masmeron’s account of what happened next is the kind of story that makes you reconsider going to bed at all.

Mara: The episode today is about a dream — vivid, specific, and quietly weighted with grief. Let’s start with the dream itself and what it left behind.

Baston, Pamaypay at Punda

Pip: The post opens with a simple setup: exhausted from schoolwork, unable to sleep, and then — once sleep finally comes — a dream so detailed it reads more like a memory than a vision.

Mara: The context is a family gathering back in the province, and the dream begins with a surprise at the door. The post describes it this way: “Nagulat ako nang buksan ko ang pinto ng bahay namin ay bumungad sa aking harapan si Nanay. Parang pagod siya na dumating galing sa paglalakad sa gitna sikat ng araw.”

Pip: So the mother arrives alone, tired, in a purple duster, white hair cut short — and then quietly steps outside to sit on a concrete roadside ledge, no bench, no companion. That image carries weight before the dream even explains why.

Mara: What follows is a walk home. The mother is thin-armed but quick, and she refuses help. Then she spots a metal cane tangled in a water hose, wet from running water, and insists on retrieving it. The post quotes her: “Kailangan ko ito” — I need this — as she pulls the cane free.

Pip: A stranger then hands them colorful fans — green, yellow, red, still wrapped in plastic — out of what seems like simple kindness toward two people walking in the midday heat. The cane’s owner turns out to be the same neighbor, who waves it off: they already bought a new one.

Mara: And then a third figure appears: Indo Pancing, the mother’s sibling, trailing behind them unnoticed, dragging an armful of pillowcases found near the same spot — thin fabric, light colors, so many they drag along the ground.

Pip: Three objects picked up from the same stretch of road. That detail feels almost too tidy for a dream, which is maybe why it lodges.

Mara: The dreamer wakes just after one in the morning and makes the connection: the mother and Indo Pancing share the same death anniversary — January 28. The mother died at 1:03 in the afternoon. Her birthday falls in December.

Pip: A dream about two people who are gone, carrying things they found on the road home. That’s the whole post, and it doesn’t need to be anything more than that.

Mara: It’s a quiet piece — no interpretation offered, just the sequence of images and the date that surfaces after waking. The grief is in the arithmetic, not the analysis.

Pip: Dreams about the dead tend to arrive with objects — something carried, something retrieved, something that didn’t quite fit but mattered anyway.

Mara: That’s the territory here. We’ll be back when there’s more to sit with.

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Baston, Pamaypay at Punda

14 Jan
Wooden walking cane, black decorative folding fan, and folded embroidered cloth on wooden table

An antique wooden cane rests on a rustic table alongside a decorative hand fan and embroidered cloth.

Dahil napagod ang aking isipan sa maghapong paggawa ng mga gawain pampaaralan ay hirap ako makatulog ng Linggo ng gabi nang ika-10 ng Enero, 2026. Mga pasado alas 10 ng gabi na seguro ako nakatulog kalaunan. Habang mahimbing akong nakatulog sa kalamigan ng kuarto ko ay nanaginip ako at ganito ang mga pangyayari na isasalaysay ko sa inyo.

Ang Pagdating ni Nanay sa Bahay

Sa probinsiya namin ay may okasyon na nagaganap sa bahay. Pagtitipon ng buong pamilya at mga kamag-anak. Nagulat ako nang buksan ko ang pinto ng bahay namin ay bumungad sa aking harapan si Nanay. Parang pagod siya na dumating galing sa paglalakad sa gitna sikat ng araw. Naka kulay lila siyang duster na suot. Puti at maiksi ang buhok niya. Ang sabi ko, “Sino kasama ninyo dumating?” “Mag-isa lamang ba kayo?” Hindi siya nakasagot. Mag-isa nga dahil wala akong nakitang kasama niya. Pumasok siya sa bahay pero kalaunan ay lumabas siya ng bahay at umupo siya sa kabilang gilid ng daan na yari sa semento. Walang bangko o upuan doon pero umupo pa rin na para bang namamahinga o may hinihintay. Wala siyang katabi o kausap sa may daanan.

Ang Pag-uwi ni Nanay at Indo Pancing

Nang kalaunan ay nagpasyang umuwi si Nanay. Mabilis ang kanyang paglalakad. Sinusundan ko daw siya para alalayan. Hinawakan ko ang braso niya na payat, malambot, kulubot na parang naglalaylayan na ang mga balat. Pero maliksi at malakas pa rin ang pangangatawan niya kahit na siya ay payat. Ayaw niyang pahawak sa braso kaya binitiwan ko na lang ang braso niya. Nang paliko kami ng daan ay napansin si Nanay na itinapon na baston na yarin sa bakal, itim ang hawakan at itim din ang paanan ng baston. Hindi niya basta makuha dahil nakapulupot ito sa water hose at basa ito dahil sa tumutulong tubig. Ang sabi ni Nanay, “Kailangan ko ito.” habang pilit niyang hinihila yung baston na napupuluputan ng water hose. Mukhang ayos at buo pa ang baston. Nahugot niya rin at nag-umpisa ng maglakad gamit ang bastong nakuha sa harapan ng bahay. Nang akma na kaming papaalis ay may lumabas na babae na may hawak na tatlong pamaypay na may ibat ibang kulay, may kulay berde, dilawan at pula na nakabalot pa ng plastic. Iniaabot ng babae sa amin. Seguro naawa dahil naglalakad kami sa gitna ng araw. Sabi ko kay Nanay, “Baka may may-ari ng baston na yan na napulot natin.” Sumagot yung lalaki na nakasalamin na asawa ng babae na lumabas rin bahay nila. Ang sabi ng lalaki, “Sa inyo na yan dahil may nabili na kaming bago.” Nagpasalamat kami sa lalaki. Habang naglalakad kami ni Nanay, hindi namin namamalayan na nakasunod pala sa amin si Indo Pancing, kapatid ni Nanay na pauwi rin. Si Indo Pancing ay nakasuot ng duster na dirty white ang kulay ng damit. May napulot din siya na mga punda ng unan sa daan sa tapat rin ng bahay na kung saan namin napulot ang baston ni Nanay. Ang mga punda ng unan ay marami kaya nakasayad pa ang mga ito sa lupa habang si Indo Pancing ay naglalakad. Ang punda ng unan ay yari sa manipis na tela na parang tela ng kulambo ang ginamit. Ang mga punda ay parisukat Ang hugis na parang pang throw pillow ito at may ibat ibang kulay rin na light mga kulay nila, may berde, pula, asul, at iba pa.

Nauna nang nauna si Nanay sa paglalakad at hindi ko na natanaw. Nakasunod sa kanya si Indo Pancing na may hila-hilang mga punda ng unan. Ang sabi ko, “Nasaan na si Nanay?” Nakita ko sa malayo na nakarating na si Nanay sa tirahan niya. Nakikita ko sa malayo ang bubungan ng bahay na parang bungalow style nito na isang palapag lamang. Nakita ko si Nanay na nasa harapan ng bahay niya at hindi makapasok dahil nakapadlock pala yung gate nito. Isang lalaki na lumabas sa Isang malapit sa bahay ni Nanay sa gawing gilid sila ng bahay parang si Ca Raul at may dala-dalang baril. Tumayo Yung lalaki na naka puting T-shirt sa kabilang gilid ng kalsada at nakaharap sa harapan ng bahay ni Nanay. Para mabuksan ang gate ay itinutok niya yung baril na dala sa kandado para mabuksan lamang ito.

Nagising ako ng pasado ala una ng madaling araw ng Lunes, ika-12 ng Enero, 2026. Pumasok sa isip ko na parehas pala ang araw ng kamatayan nila Nanay at Indo Pancing, magkapatid sila, na natapat sa hindi inaasahang pagkakataon ay sa tuwing Enero 28 ang death anniversary nilang dalawa. Tapos si Nanay ay namatay ng 1:03 ng hapon at ang kaarawan niya ay sa buwan ng Disyembre.

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Don’t Just Be A Dreamer

20 Jan

This was my article before going to the United States of America on March 10, 2010.

December 20, 2008

MEYCAUAYAN COLLEGE ALUMNEWS
ALUMNEWS Feature
DON’T JUST BE A DREAMER
“Don’t just be a dreamer……. but be a doer too.” How could you figure out a young boy who came from a broken family and very poor family who tried to overcome his own struggles in life?
My parents were already separated before I was born. I did not have a father figure in our house. We did not have any real properties. We rented the lot from our neighbor and our house is made up of light materials only and no electricity at all. I studied my lessons in a dim light of lamp. My mother, as a single parent worked so hard just to support her own family. She worked in the farm during daytime and weaved mats in the evening. She was still awake at 3 o’clock in the morning. There were times that she get unpaid from farm works and insulted publicly. It had been a number of times that our family degraded, deprived and discriminated. It was very difficult to be poor. During weekends, she sold mats and vegetables in the market. She got laundry clothes from our neighborhood when farm works were not available. We were always looking for our firewood, rice and food everyday. We did not have money even for our transport which made all of us to walk back and forth several kilometers away from poblacion to the barrio every time we went there for work. I did not have enough money when I was in the elementary and high school to support my studies. At the age of 10, I was an ice buko vendor already, carrying a box of frozen items and shouting  on the streets in our hometown. I did help our family in household chores and in selling vegetables in the market. My father with his own family had physical disabilities. He had artificially-made eye due to work-related incident when he was a policeman. He had also amputated leg due to diabetes. I started to recognize my father when I was in high school when he introduced himself while we were eating in a plaza’s restaurant and when he offered help for my tuition fees in high school. I realized the hardships of my parents in raising our family; putting up things together and solving various problems. However, I retained myself in the first section of the class since elementary up to high school. I participated in some extra-curricular activities in the school.
After graduation in high school, I cried when I could not continue my studies in college because my father got sick already and my mother could no longer support me. I remembered when she said one time, “Just cut my body into pieces and sell it” “So that you have something to support for your studies” She was crying too. I cried because I got 92% general average in National College Entrance Examination but I could not enroll in college. All my classmates in the first section would go to college for the coming year. First, I took up a free 6-month training of typing course which was sponsored by the Roman Catholic Church. In the afternoon, I did tutoring to graders in exchange of “sweet potatoes” as snacks and little amount of money from our neighborhood. Besides, I had to take good care of our vegetable garden so that we have something to eat. After graduation in the vocational course, that was the time that I should  look for a better job that can provide our daily needs. But there was another problem, how could I leave my 75 year-old aunt who stayed in our house for several years to help my mother in raising our family and she had never been married. I took good care my aunt since she got an illness. Do I take good care my physically-ill aunt through her entire life or to pursue my plans in life? It was a very difficult decision.
At last, I decided to look for a job. I just my visited my aunt once or twice a year. I had been a houseboy then a fresh meat, fish, and vegetable pushcart vendor in Meycauayan City then a cigarette, candies and plastic market vendor in Olongapo City then a gasoline boy in Zambales then a factory worker of school supplies in Novaliches and finally, a textile worker in Meycauayan City. When I obtained my regular appointment, that was the time that I have to start my plans again. While working in the textile, I did enroll in Meycauayan College. I never forgot to support our family in terms of financial assistance even I was studying while working. Meycauayan College was the nearest college wherein convenient for me in terms of financial matters, distance travel and time management. This was the institution I thought that can give me a college diploma and a quality education. My expectation was really true. Even I would like to take medicine course that time but I did not have huge amount of money for the said course. Thus, I selected Biology as my major in Education. I took Education course because I want to share my knowledge to everybody.

During my college days, I performed well academically with a general weighted average of 1.78. It so happened that I was a working student then and I believed that it could be better and higher if I am just a full-time student. Despite of these, I participated in certain college activities such as impromptu speech, singing contest, been a member of a dance troupe and a contributor in the college paper. In fact, our group was the champion in the Group Pantomime Competition.
It was February 1991 when the factory wherein I was employed had been closed due to labor strike. I went back into selling cooked food in one corner of a well-known subdivision in Meycauayan just to support my last semester of study before graduation. I just borrowed monies for my jeepney fare so that I can attend the graduation ceremony together with my mother. When I stepped on the stage, I could not even stretch my legs because I am so hungry that time. I felt physically weak. My beloved mother witnessed my graduation at last in 1991.
I tried to apply for a teaching position after graduation but most private schools offered me lower salaries which were half lower salary from a textile factory where I lastly employed. One day, a friend encouraged me to apply as waiter in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia because I had a part-time job experience as waiter in an exclusive hotel in Manila. Luckily, I was hired but for the first two months abroad, I was a merchandiser in a supermarket wherein I have to lift up heavy items in a dump truck then downloading these again. I did these tasks three times a day in a 12-hour basis of work time. Again, I was not used to it. I felt so weak. The store managers could not understand the English language. They shouted and said bad words to me every time I could not carry heavy loads but I ignored it. They allowed me to transfer in a restaurant when there was somebody newly arrived from the Philippines. After I served as janitor in a Filipino restaurant then I became waiter for more than three years then a cashier/waiter wherein one of my tasks was to supervise the operation of the restaurant.
When I arrived here in the Philippines in 1994, I prepared for the Professional Board Examination for Teachers; Career Service Professional Examination which both I took in 1995. Luckily, I passed the two professional exams. In the same year, I started to practice my profession as elementary and high school teacher in a private school. While teaching in a private school, I pursued my graduate study in Manila for two years until I passed the Comprehensive Examination. I lacked just one subject which is thesis writing to finish the degree. After four years of employment, I transferred to a public school here in Meycauayan City. I had been employed also as part-time college instructor here in Meycauayan College, my alma mater, and in a public college here in Meycauayan City. Within thirteen years of continuous service in both private and public institutions, I did share all my skills and expertise to elementary, high school and college students. I did participate with my colleagues and school heads in any assigned tasks to improve the quality of education in our school. For professional growth, I attended various seminars, trainings and workshops. I tried also to contribute articles for science magazines of a publishing company here in Meycauayan City.
Last year, I passed the Praxis II Exam with a higher score. This was a professional examination given to any professional teachers in the world conducted by a licensing agency of United States of America for teacher certification. To sum up, I passed already four major professional examinations which I did not expect to happen when I was still a kid. The history repeats itself, now that I am applying for a teaching position abroad. I passed already the interview and I completed already the required documents. My only problem at present is the processing and placement fees. That is why I ask the Lord to give me some signs. My 84-year old mother wants me to stay here in the Philippines. According to her, she is now very old. It hurts me every time she says that statement and every time I say goodbye to her. My mother also said that I have already job here so why I should go so far. I love my mother so much but I want also to improve my life and the lives of our family better. It is a very difficult decision again. Would I stay to take good care of my mother and the rest of my family or to follow the next plan? I am asking for several signs to God for my next decision in life.
However, I would like to widen my horizon and to continuously do public service here and abroad. Always remember: “Do what is right in order to be good rather than do what is good in order to be right.” “Not all good things are right but all right things are good.”

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,